After a conversation yesterday with my friend, it was clear to me that I had prepared myself emotionally to be alone. In listening to the process of trying to make sense of suddenly (or not so suddenly) finding yourself without the one you have come to love and cherish, I found that my own process had been very similar. For five years, I had been told "not long" "not much longer". I didn't live my life in fear or denial, but in a conscious state of knowing. It wasn't that I was waiting for Wassim to go, but more than ever aware that each moment was precious and how important it was for me to live in the moment, and without regret. So with that, I was able to detach, slowly. To find an inner strength in order to do more than go through the motions involved in decision making, emotionally helping others during my own challenging time. A funny turn of events!
But finding that place of detachment had nothing to do with loving any less, much to the contrary, and more to do with the finding of space for both of us. Both in the going and the staying. There is a sweetness in that.
(NEUrOPEPTIDE Y)
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