JOURNEY

I wonder who I would have been. I mourn the loss of that potentiality. A conversation yesterday had me standing on the edge, a place that was not foreign to me, one that I would usually retreat from. It was that last threshold that keeps me from trusting implicitly, that I looked out from. A fear so deep seeded welled up inside me calling every fiber of my being to retreat. My life's experience told me that this next level of trust - the highest level of trust, held great power for the one to whom it is given. It has the power to do great things or to destroy or handicap.

What happens to a child when the very first person you learn to trust does not protect you? Cellular memory tells you to keep placing that trust because that is where your survival lies. Shouldn't we as mothers also have that cellular memory to "protect"? What does it look like if that cellular memory is missing generationally? It causes a rebuilding from the core. It is a journey that is fraught with pitfalls and incredible joy, highs and lows that give me pause.